How Quitting Cigarettes is Helping Me Quit Fear
Hours, minutes and seconds, you can’t go too long without them taking over your every thought, desire and eventually autonomy. Your body gets hot with desire as you reach for your lighter and open your pack, taking that first drag and earning the surge of relief your brain had been clawing for. This is a snapshot of what being very addicted to cigarettes is like. After countless tries, I finally quit smoking. As time passed, it became clear that my addiction to cigarettes was more than just a nicotine dependency, it was brainwashing. They say hindsight is 20/20, it was clear that my body and mind convinced me of something other than reality. They convinced me that I needed cigarettes the same way I needed water. An urge that must be met like clockwork or else something bad might happen. It convinced me that I needed something that was in fact killing me, choking the life out of my body drag by drag. I began to wonder if I was brainwashed in any other areas of my life… I’ve been shy my whole life. Struggles with anxiety and self-confidence have manifested into fear. Fear of judgement, being liked/accepted, whether or not I'm making the “right choice”. However you want to spin it, fear has become a part of my life, masquerading as an illusion of safety. My body and mind have convinced me yet again that I need something that is in fact choking my life from between their fingers, and now I’m trying to quit. If quitting fear is anything like cigarettes, I know it will require persistence, stepping beyond what feels comfortable in the moment and most importantly, remembering that I’ve been brainwashed. To remember that fear has convinced me it’s my friend, that I need it to stay safe, to not make a fool out of myself, to not “fail” at whatever it is I may be doing. To remember that everything fear has convinced me over the years is only an illusion.